Jun
12
I so meant to blog before midnight but I have had a horrendous migraine all day so it just didn’t happen. I decided to pop on and at least post something in an effort of my blog-a-thon. Tomorrow is moving day and also the day I am going to trade my Samsung Rogue for my best friend’s Motorolla Droid which I’m excited about. I’ve wanted a droid phone so bad and now I will finally have one. Hopefully I won’t be too exhausted to blog tomorrow but if so, ya’ll know why. I’m off to bed since my medicine is kicking in. Night ya’ll.
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Jun
10
Posted: 06.10.10 @ 09:36pm • Filed: Daily Kate,Project Blog • Tags: classes, friends, Grayson, sickness
This weekend, two of my best friends are coming over to spend the weekend with us. My best friend, Kela, is going to be here so I am excited to have some girly time. My sister and I plan on having a lot of fun vegging out with Kela and watching girl movies. I’m sorry but there are just some movies I can’t watch with the boyfriend. He just doesn’t understand them or doesn’t want to sit through them. I have missed having a best friend that is a girl aside from my sister. My sister knows me so well so it is nice to hang out with someone that doesn’t know you like the back of their hand, ya know? Plus, Kela and I are a lot alike which I love. It’s kind of neat because Kela is also the girlfriend to my other best friend, Jon. Jon and my husband also are good friends and get along great as well so we all have our own little group plus my sister Beth. Speaking of my sister, she has her own blog, Flirty B so you all should stop by and give Beth some love. She is new to the whole blogging world so bare with her.
Anyways, another big project for the weekend in between girls’ weekend is that Jonathan and I are swapping rooms with my two sisters. Their room happens to be my old room and it has a smaller closet than my current room but has more space which is what we need now with the addition of Grayson. Our room now is cramped for space and we have furniture lining every wall and not enough walking space for when Grayson gets older. So now once we swap, we will still have adequate closet size and a lot more space. I will miss my room though. I love my three windows and the natural sunlight. Plus, my old room is next to the kitchen so I am sure I will enjoy hearing the sounds of the dishwasher at night. Oh boy. The extra space is so worth it though. Thank God we will have Jon here to help us move. I don’t want to get Kela involved because she has had a really bad ear infection and I know she is in constant pain.
Speaking of ear aches, since when can a chiropractor cure an ear ache? I was talking to Michelle about Grayson and it turns out Grayson has an inner ear infection. The doctor has to give him antibiotic shots and he is required to have three shots total and has received one so far. Well, instead of taking him to get the last two shots, she wants to take him to the chiropractor instead. So she canceled the doctor’s appointments for the shots and is dead set on taking him. I’m really confused. If he has an infection that already requires an antibiotic shot of a powerful antibiotic isn’t it too risky to not take him? Kela is in the same boat and her doctor told her that uncured ear infections can leave permanent damage. She is so bad with her ears right now that she could possibly go deaf in one ear and I don’t want to see that happen to Grayson. Am I missing something? I just don’t understand her taking him to a chiropractor especially when he is only 10-months old.
Anyways, I need to get back to highlighting my book for my next test on Monday. I took my test today and scored 69/75 which I am happy about. Basically I got an A so I am VERY happy!
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Jun
09
Ever since someone twittered about Manda’s suicide attempt, it has put a lot of things into perspective for me. First off, I didn’t know Manda that well but I have read her blog and commented on it a few times. I also know her through the message boards but I have never talked to her personally. From everything I gathered based from various boards and her blog, she was a nice girl who had an overwhelming life when it came to her relationship with her ex-loser and taking care of her adorably-cute daughter, Gracie. She has a lot on her plate and I guess she felt like she hit rock bottom and life crashed in around her to the point she felt she had no way out. I was quite surprised to hear that she tried to commit suicide because on her blog posts she might seem troubled at time but I guess you never really think someone you know or know of would do something like that. I keep Manda in my thoughts and prayers daily and am adamantly praying for a safe recovery for her. I do know that she has a lot of people both online and offline that cares about her so hopefully once all is well, she can move on from this and put it behind her. I also believe someone needs to kick her ex-loser’s ass as well. I just can’t imagine any man being worth that. I love my husband to death but I’d rather kick his ass personally than cause harm to me because of him.
As I said, everything in my life has been put into perspective. My husband and I don’t always get along but honestly, our biggest fight has been over his brother downloading porn on my laptop. Yes, we did argue over that and I was so ready to just ignore him for a good week because I was tired of fighting with him. There is a lot more to the story but I don’t want to go into it right now. Basically, he spent time with his dad that day and we both cooled down and realized what big retards we were being. No matter what issues we have, we work them out. Divorce isn’t in our vocabulary. I love my husband because he is more than my husband, he is my best friend. Whenever life gets me down, he is my safety rope pulling me back up. Ever since our fight and talking things out, it is like we are in the new stage of our relationship where we are lovey dovey all the time and the sex has been amazing. Okay, let me back up because a) we are always lovey dovey no matter what and b) the sex is always amazing but it’s just like something has clicked between us.
The only issues in my life that have really stressed me out are school, finances, and my weight. Luckily, I swapped classes around so I have one class throughout June session and one class throughout July session. Also, I get my financial aid money next week and I have decided to retry Thrive. If I can make it to next week I will be fine. My finances are so bad that I literally have no money to my name thanks to some unforeseen situations that I didn’t plan for. If those things would not have happened, I would have plenty of money. I know that I am a strong person and I can make it a week. Besides, I have no bills due right now and I don’t have any expenses aside from gas to worry about this week since my gas tank is full I can deal with it. The only thing I’m worried about is Grayson’s diapers but luckily my sister already bought a pack since she loves buying for Grayson and we have plenty of baby food here at the house and juice. So really, I think I am a natural worrier and I have to have something to worry about at all things or I feel out of control. I let things manifest in my brain until I can’t stop concentrating on it. I really think this is where my funks come from. I’m working on blogging everything out so it’s out there in the open so it’s off my brain!
In sitely news, I am going to finally put up my 101 in 1001 page and add a blogroll. I’ve visited some pretty amazing blogs lately and really want to link them. I am also working on other things I want to add to the site such as recipes since I love to kick and a resource section since I love coming across site resources that I think can be beneficial to others. So watch out for those. I’ve been working on some free themes for wordpress I’d like to offer here as well. I’m full of ideas and just praying I have time to complete them all. Well, I’m off to Nutrition Hell because I have a 50 page study guide for the three chapters I have a test on tomorrow. Yes, we started class on Monday and I have a test already. Got to love summer semesters!
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Jun
08
Today’s prompt at Project Blog is Loved and lost, or never loved at all? Which might you prefer?
In my humble opinion, I think it is much better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. I have had my fair share of relationships and heartbreaks and even through the God-awful times, I have never regretted opening my heart up and loving someone. There is no way to explain how love feels because it is such an amazing feeling that there aren’t words that I can fully describe it. My husband has opened my life up to a whole new world. His love had made me realize that love is completely worth the risk. I can’t imagine my life without love because it’d be a life full of gray skies. To me, love is the splash of color in your life that makes things interesting and beautiful all at the same time. Maybe that doesn’t make sense to others, but it does to me.
The point is, I think living in a world without love wouldn’t be something I’d ever want to experience. I like knowing there is someone who loves me and feels the same way for me as I do for him. I don’t ever want to live without love.
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Jun
07
Today has been a very long day filled with stuff I really don’t even feel like talking about. I’m just exhausted. Nothing totally horrible happened or anything today but I just don’t have the energy to write up a long post about my day.
I got word from Grayson’s mom that she had to take him to the Emergency Room last night. Evidently he had a fever of 104.5 and the doctor said he has an inner ear infection. Good thing I told her about his ears when she picked him up. We also knew he ran a fever Saturday night which I told her about as well. I had a feeling he was getting sicker but I still wish it wasn’t bad enough to take him to the Emergency Room, ya know? I worry about him when he is not here. She said she didn’t get any sleep and was so tired of him being sick which I told her if she wanted us to, we’d take care of him so she could have a break. It is times like these when I wish he was my child because it breaks my heart to know she is tired of having to take care of him. Motherhood is a twenty-four seven job. Coming from someone who might not ever have kids, I don’t think I’d have a problem taking care of a sick child because I know they’d need more more then than ever before. I just don’t understand people I swear.
I’m going to go watch the season premiere of Secret Life of an American Teenager with the hubby and sister. Hopefully after that I can get some sleep. I still am not sleeping good. At least I haven’t had the dream about my grandma again. Ever since I did have the dream I haven’t been able to sleep and I’ve been in this funk. I’m sure I will be okay after a good night’s rest.
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Jun
06
Grayson’s mom came and picked him up this morning. Poor guy, I think he is getting sick yet again. He had a double ear infection lately and then he got better but over the weekend he ran a fever and was pulling at his ears. I looked at his ears and they appeared to be getting red again. Thankfully, his mom is going to take him to the doctor tomorrow after I told him about his ears. Needless to say, since he didn’t feel good he slept in two hour increments. Jonathan got so irritated last night because Grayson only would let me comfort him. What can I say, he knows whose baby he is.
I didn’t sleep well last night and today I am totally dragging. My sleep problems started before Grayson even woke up for the first time. I had a dream about my Grandma and it was so real that I woke up forgetting that she passed away in March of 2003. I hate dreams like that because it feels me with sadness and yearning to see her. My Grandma was my everything. I loved her and I spent every Friday night with her growing up. I can remember as a teenager I used to get so mad because she’d call multiple times a day and now I’d give anything to have her call again. It’s funny how life works out that way. I can even close my eyes and see her face and even hear her voice. I would go as far to say that if I concentrate really hard I could smell her house as well. My Grandma’s house always smelled good because she was always cooking up something yummy. I just miss her. My dream hit me straight in the gut with an iron fist and reminded me how much I miss her. In some ways, I want to crawl back in bed and pray to God I can have that dream over again just to see her again. It’s funny how we take things for granted and don’t truly realize what we have until they are gone. I did love my Grandma but towards the end of her life I stopped going over there every Friday night and now when I think back on it that makes me ashamed. I’m just glad that I was able to visit her when she was in the hospital and that when she finally passed away our whole family was there for her. She literally hung on until all her family was there around her.
Since I can’t have her back and I’m not quite ready to go spend my afterlife with her, the only thing I can do is to live my life in a way that would make her proud. I’ve decided that my first step in regards to having a baby will be to give Thrive another chance. Thrive is a diet that a lot of people who have had past trouble with diets have found that Thrive actually works for them. My first two weeks on Thrive I lost 12 pounds. I think it’s worth going back and taking another stab at it. I want to get serious about my weight loss and I let my “stinking thinking” control too much of what I do. I need to focus on blocking out the negativity which is very hard for me. I feel as if I am in a rut when it comes to my weight so hopefully with some hard work and determination, I can get out of said rut.
Even though I really have a lot to do today, I think I am going to go take a nap. I am getting yet another migraine. I really love the summertime but for some reason I get migraines like crazy during the summer months. I guess it has a lot to do with the barometric pressure and such. Hopefully I can take some medicine and take a short nap and wake up headache free because I have a killer pork loin I plan on cooking tonight!
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Jun
05
Ever since I was a little girl, I always have known that when I got older I wanted kids. I love and adore them. Having Grayson every weekend has just made that desire even stronger. Some of my favorite moments with Grayson have been when it was just the two of us cuddling before his bedtime. Just earlier today, Grayson was all curled up to me and he laid his head on my chest and just let out this little sigh. It was so precious and melted my heart completely. I now know more than ever that I want to be a mom and I want to have loads of children of my own. I was put on this Earth to be a mother.
After talking to Jonathan, we have decided to take starting a family very seriously, but we have a big obstacle in our way in regards of parenthood. I have PCOS which is Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. PCOS basically means my hormones are messed up and makes periods and getting pregnant difficult. I am also insulin resistant because of this as well. I have been talking to my doctor about children and she knows that I want to be a mother. In fact, one of our very first conversations after being diagnosed resulted in me in tears and from then on she has made it her personal mission to help us be able to conceive. So now that I know we both are on board, it’s time to take action!
The first step is going to be the hardest step of all. In order to even think about being a mommy, I have to lose a lot of weight. My doctor has prescribed a prescription and I am going to be starting it soon. This step is the one that scares me the most because I never realized how messed up my life was in regards to my weight and eating. I really think being overweight is like a disease and you never truly realize how much it affects your life until you go through it. I have also been considering gastric bypass. At first I was completely against surgery but now I don’t know. After seeing Jenn’s journey after surgery, it has really made me want to get more information about it but I am unsure if I could ever afford it. I don’t have insurance and the only option I have right now is possibly Medicaid which I highly doubt they’d cover gastric bypass, ya know? So I think I will just research a little and try the prescription while I am trying to make my mind up. If I can get past this first step I know I will be home free. I guess part of me is just scared I am going to do all the work of losing the weight and then still not be able to have children. Fears really can get the best of you at times.
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Jun
04
Acceptance is a powerful thing. For a long time, I never accepted myself. I always found a fault in myself and would berate myself on a daily basis over the most minute thing. Acceptance to me was a moot point. Today, however, I have grown a lot in regards to accepting myself. I know that I weight a heck of a lot more than I should and I wholeheartedly realize I can go from zero to bitch in two seconds but these are things that make me me. I know that I wouldn’t be the same person I am today if I didn’t grow up as the token fat chick and if I didn’t have an attitude the size of Texas which I am happy to say that I have finally almost grown out of completely. The things that I cannot change overnight are the things that make me unique therefor I can accept them. I am who I am and I am okay with that. It has taken me twenty-four years to finally be okay with who I am.
I am Katie Ann Johnson Jones. I am by far not a skinny chick and sometimes, I like to stay in my pajamas all day. I have a sweet tooth and I can cuss like a sailor even though I wish I didn’t. I have bitchy mood swings at the most random times and I am not always smiles and rainbows. I am a nerd and a bookworm but that’s fine with me. I have had people try to tear me apart on a daily basis from the time I was a little girl which has made me not trust anyone until they give me a reason to. All of these things make me who I am today and I am damn proud to be me!
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Jun
03
Posted: 06.03.10 @ 08:04pm • Filed: Newlyweds,Project Blog,Wonderbaby • Tags: changes, happiness, hubby
It seems very surreal that I have officially been married for a month and two days. I mean seriously, time really flies, ya know? It feels like just yesterday I was trying to fight off a killer bat and then got all teary-eyed as my mom got ready to walk me down the aisle. I seriously did have to deal with a bat on my wedding day. It seems as if one had taken up resident in the choir room at our church and all of a sudden it just fell off the top of the ceiling fan and died. It was a pretty funny moment and maybe I should have taken that as an omen but I pushed through that day none the less. I’m sorry but no little crustified bat was going to get in my way of showing everyone my marvelous dress that I paid out of my own pocket for. My dress was amazing and fit so well. For once in my life I actually looked like I had an hourglass shape and it extenuated my curves without me looking all dumpy. It was our day and I am so glad everything went so well. Our day was beautiful and heart-felt and I could not ask for a better husband. Jonathan and I have our moments but I am thankful that I got to marry my best friend.
Another big change to my life aside from being married is being a mommy! Jonathan has a ten month old son named Grayson. Grayson is the apple of my eye. I love that baby so much. I never thought something could take my breath away at first meeting but he did. His blue eyes and chunky little smile instantly melted my heart. Let’s also throw in the fact that he is the happiest baby and you definitely have a wonderbaby. Evidently his mother has been getting tired of him since she told us that she has had him for nine months so it was our turn now. That’s fine with me; bring him on over. I have no problem taking care of him. It kind of alarmed me at first that when she leaves he doesn’t even whine and whimper. All of my cousins have whined when their moms have left them somewhere but not Grayson, but if I walk out of a room away from him, he cries. Two weekends ago she sent him to our house with a double ear infection. I didn’t really understand that since it was only his third weekend and I guess I’m weird about sending kids off when they are sick. I assumed she would be apprehensive about sending her child away for the weekend so sick but she had other plans to go to some mud bog so to our house Grayson came. He was so sick and was a little on the cranky side. I ended up rocking him off and on all night both Friday and Saturday night. Saturday night he laid in my arms and was rubbing my cheek saying “Mamamamamamama” and then would snuggle close to me. He is so precious. Just so I don’t come off as completely biased, I will post some pics below so you can see that he truly is an adorable little wonderbaby.
Since I have been participating in Project: Blog, it has renewed my passion for blogging. I find myself in the most mundane situations thinking of what I can blog about later that day. Earlier on the way to take the hubby by DFCS to pay for the paternity test and what not, I found myself sitting in the car thinking of blog topics as I took in all of my surroundings. I’ve missing blogging and I have a very long list of things I’d like to add around here. So hopefully I can get that all going soon. I am just praying that when I start school this coming Monday it doesn’t take a toll on my blogging. I know I can make an effort to sit out at least ten minutes of my day to write a short blog post. I’m definitely looking forward to it. And with that, I will leave you all with the pics.
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Jun
02
I was raised to have the mindset that everything happens for a reason and that there is always a silver lining to every cloud, but there are times when I question this philosophy. I actually was contemplating this subject while taking a relaxing bubble bath earlier. I wondered if things happen for a reason, how come there is so much pure evil in the world? I just don’t think I can convince my heart of hearts to believe that evil happens for a reason unless it’s God’s, or whatever deity you believe in, way of keeping us grounded as a human race and reminding us that the world isn’t always hunkydory.
I’ve had a lot of negative things happen to me in my twenty-four years of life which include overcoming being both molested and raped, but I honestly believe there are different things that could have happened to make me as strong of a person as I am today without those things being so traumatic. Those two things nearly destroyed me and I don’t understand how all that pain and suffering happened for a reason, or maybe that is just the bitter little girl inside of me speaking that thinks she got the short end of the childhood stick. Either way, I am a stronger person today and I guess in the end, that is all that matters.
I would like to elaborate more on the subject but I went out with the husband, sister, and sister’s boyfriend and since I decided to drink, I am feeling a little fuzzy. I think I need sleep big time but I am so glad that I got to go out and enjoy myself. I am also in the process of setting up my sister a blog so now we can take the internet by storm, heh. So, I will be back tomorrow for more blogging goodness.
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