All my life I have been overweight. I have always been ashamed with my weight issues and have tried to hide them the best I can. I have felt like I have never truly fit into the person I am destined to be. I have always allowed what the scale says determine whether I love myself or not for that particular day. To be honest, it is very exhausting to be fat. You have no idea how tired it is to tote around a hundred or so extra pounds, especially up stairs and in the hot weather. I am quite sure you can imagine how hard it is to chase around a one year old as well. I seriously dread the time when he starts walking and taking off because I know I will be huffing and puffing after him.
In light of all of this, I have decided that it truly is time to make a change. I am not going on a diet or anything like that. I believe the reason I have dieted so much and failed is because I am not getting to the root of my problem. There is some void deep down that I am trying to fill with food which obviously is not working. In order for me to truly change my life, I need to find out what that void is instead of just trying to placate it. As I was watching Oprah today, I heard about a book that I believe would really help me get to the bottom of the problem. So, I purchased Women, Food, & God by Geneen Roth. Roth focuses on the root of all of our problems and does not recommend dieting. She recommends eating until we are satisfied and eating what we want. Obviously, that means that once you take care of your inner problems, you won’t feel like food is a crutch anymore. I can now openly admit that I am a slave to food. It rules my life and I am tired of it. Hopefully my book will get here tomorrow and I can start reading.
The only thing I am scared about is all the feelings and past memories the book is going to bring up. I do not want to relive those awful memories but if it will help me to finally conquer this problem, it is worth it.
In other news, Grayson is staying yet another night with us. I will be meeting his mom at her work tomorrow to drop him off around noon. That works for me because I need to get my books for school on financial aid and then go buy some groceries. I am going through a healthy food kick which I am happy about. I now realize that I can eat what I want but still be healthy since I have been converting a lot of my favorite recipes. I have also been looking up new recipes and I cannot wait to try this Spinach Artichoke Pasta recipe I found online. It looks so yummy and filling at the same time. I never realized how much I adore spinach and artichokes since I used to snub my nose at anything healthy sounding such as spinach.
Well, a certain one year old is dancing and singing in his pack and play which is my sign that it is Mommy and Grayson time while Jonathan is at school. I love these rare moments with Grayson when it is just me and him. He is so sweet and adorable. I love him more and more each day.
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