Jun
09
Ever since someone twittered about Manda’s suicide attempt, it has put a lot of things into perspective for me. First off, I didn’t know Manda that well but I have read her blog and commented on it a few times. I also know her through the message boards but I have never talked to her personally. From everything I gathered based from various boards and her blog, she was a nice girl who had an overwhelming life when it came to her relationship with her ex-loser and taking care of her adorably-cute daughter, Gracie. She has a lot on her plate and I guess she felt like she hit rock bottom and life crashed in around her to the point she felt she had no way out. I was quite surprised to hear that she tried to commit suicide because on her blog posts she might seem troubled at time but I guess you never really think someone you know or know of would do something like that. I keep Manda in my thoughts and prayers daily and am adamantly praying for a safe recovery for her. I do know that she has a lot of people both online and offline that cares about her so hopefully once all is well, she can move on from this and put it behind her. I also believe someone needs to kick her ex-loser’s ass as well. I just can’t imagine any man being worth that. I love my husband to death but I’d rather kick his ass personally than cause harm to me because of him.
As I said, everything in my life has been put into perspective. My husband and I don’t always get along but honestly, our biggest fight has been over his brother downloading porn on my laptop. Yes, we did argue over that and I was so ready to just ignore him for a good week because I was tired of fighting with him. There is a lot more to the story but I don’t want to go into it right now. Basically, he spent time with his dad that day and we both cooled down and realized what big retards we were being. No matter what issues we have, we work them out. Divorce isn’t in our vocabulary. I love my husband because he is more than my husband, he is my best friend. Whenever life gets me down, he is my safety rope pulling me back up. Ever since our fight and talking things out, it is like we are in the new stage of our relationship where we are lovey dovey all the time and the sex has been amazing. Okay, let me back up because a) we are always lovey dovey no matter what and b) the sex is always amazing but it’s just like something has clicked between us.
The only issues in my life that have really stressed me out are school, finances, and my weight. Luckily, I swapped classes around so I have one class throughout June session and one class throughout July session. Also, I get my financial aid money next week and I have decided to retry Thrive. If I can make it to next week I will be fine. My finances are so bad that I literally have no money to my name thanks to some unforeseen situations that I didn’t plan for. If those things would not have happened, I would have plenty of money. I know that I am a strong person and I can make it a week. Besides, I have no bills due right now and I don’t have any expenses aside from gas to worry about this week since my gas tank is full I can deal with it. The only thing I’m worried about is Grayson’s diapers but luckily my sister already bought a pack since she loves buying for Grayson and we have plenty of baby food here at the house and juice. So really, I think I am a natural worrier and I have to have something to worry about at all things or I feel out of control. I let things manifest in my brain until I can’t stop concentrating on it. I really think this is where my funks come from. I’m working on blogging everything out so it’s out there in the open so it’s off my brain!
In sitely news, I am going to finally put up my 101 in 1001 page and add a blogroll. I’ve visited some pretty amazing blogs lately and really want to link them. I am also working on other things I want to add to the site such as recipes since I love to kick and a resource section since I love coming across site resources that I think can be beneficial to others. So watch out for those. I’ve been working on some free themes for wordpress I’d like to offer here as well. I’m full of ideas and just praying I have time to complete them all. Well, I’m off to Nutrition Hell because I have a 50 page study guide for the three chapters I have a test on tomorrow. Yes, we started class on Monday and I have a test already. Got to love summer semesters!
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Jun
02
I was raised to have the mindset that everything happens for a reason and that there is always a silver lining to every cloud, but there are times when I question this philosophy. I actually was contemplating this subject while taking a relaxing bubble bath earlier. I wondered if things happen for a reason, how come there is so much pure evil in the world? I just don’t think I can convince my heart of hearts to believe that evil happens for a reason unless it’s God’s, or whatever deity you believe in, way of keeping us grounded as a human race and reminding us that the world isn’t always hunkydory.
I’ve had a lot of negative things happen to me in my twenty-four years of life which include overcoming being both molested and raped, but I honestly believe there are different things that could have happened to make me as strong of a person as I am today without those things being so traumatic. Those two things nearly destroyed me and I don’t understand how all that pain and suffering happened for a reason, or maybe that is just the bitter little girl inside of me speaking that thinks she got the short end of the childhood stick. Either way, I am a stronger person today and I guess in the end, that is all that matters.
I would like to elaborate more on the subject but I went out with the husband, sister, and sister’s boyfriend and since I decided to drink, I am feeling a little fuzzy. I think I need sleep big time but I am so glad that I got to go out and enjoy myself. I am also in the process of setting up my sister a blog so now we can take the internet by storm, heh. So, I will be back tomorrow for more blogging goodness.
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Jun
01
Wow, a new blog space for myself. Somehow, I feel quite naked with all of this empty space but it’s for a good reason. I recently started a new chapter in my life on May 1st, 2010 when I got married. So with my new marital status, I decided that it is time for me to also start a new blog. It’s so funny to feel like I’ve evolved and grown throughout my span of being a blogger, but let’s face it, I’ve blogged since I was fifteen so of course I’ve grown as a person.
Aside from having a new domain and blog, I also joined a blog-a-thon featured at EcstasyMB so I will be blogging through out the month of June as I participate in Project Blog. As my first post here and first post for the blog-a-thon, I’d like to start off following the prompt of writing a letter to my mom so here goes:
Dear Mommy,
I have so many things I wish I could say but honestly, it’s very hard to put into words how I feel for you. The debt I owe you is so large that I could never repay. Everything good in my life, I owe you for. You were always there for me and still are. You are my rock and my best friend. I know that no matter what I do in life or where I go, I can always come back home to you.
I know we don’t always get along and don’t always see eye to eye, but I know that you are there behind me one hundred percent in life. People always tell me I am a very compassionate and honest person which is because of you. You taught me to always do the right thing and to tell the truth no matter what which is why I am proud to say that I am the way I am because of you. I know that it wasn’t easy being a single parent and especially dealing with my asshat of a father but you overcame whatever obstacle you were faced with because you are the strongest person I have ever met.
I know it seems like I am rambling but honestly, everything I say here I’ve told you time and time to your face. You know I love you and will always be in my heart wherever I go. I love you!
Always,
Sweet Meat
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