Aug
25
Posted: 08.25.10 @ 04:17pm • Filed: Daily Kate • Tags: memories
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Jun
06
Grayson’s mom came and picked him up this morning. Poor guy, I think he is getting sick yet again. He had a double ear infection lately and then he got better but over the weekend he ran a fever and was pulling at his ears. I looked at his ears and they appeared to be getting red again. Thankfully, his mom is going to take him to the doctor tomorrow after I told him about his ears. Needless to say, since he didn’t feel good he slept in two hour increments. Jonathan got so irritated last night because Grayson only would let me comfort him. What can I say, he knows whose baby he is.
I didn’t sleep well last night and today I am totally dragging. My sleep problems started before Grayson even woke up for the first time. I had a dream about my Grandma and it was so real that I woke up forgetting that she passed away in March of 2003. I hate dreams like that because it feels me with sadness and yearning to see her. My Grandma was my everything. I loved her and I spent every Friday night with her growing up. I can remember as a teenager I used to get so mad because she’d call multiple times a day and now I’d give anything to have her call again. It’s funny how life works out that way. I can even close my eyes and see her face and even hear her voice. I would go as far to say that if I concentrate really hard I could smell her house as well. My Grandma’s house always smelled good because she was always cooking up something yummy. I just miss her. My dream hit me straight in the gut with an iron fist and reminded me how much I miss her. In some ways, I want to crawl back in bed and pray to God I can have that dream over again just to see her again. It’s funny how we take things for granted and don’t truly realize what we have until they are gone. I did love my Grandma but towards the end of her life I stopped going over there every Friday night and now when I think back on it that makes me ashamed. I’m just glad that I was able to visit her when she was in the hospital and that when she finally passed away our whole family was there for her. She literally hung on until all her family was there around her.
Since I can’t have her back and I’m not quite ready to go spend my afterlife with her, the only thing I can do is to live my life in a way that would make her proud. I’ve decided that my first step in regards to having a baby will be to give Thrive another chance. Thrive is a diet that a lot of people who have had past trouble with diets have found that Thrive actually works for them. My first two weeks on Thrive I lost 12 pounds. I think it’s worth going back and taking another stab at it. I want to get serious about my weight loss and I let my “stinking thinking” control too much of what I do. I need to focus on blocking out the negativity which is very hard for me. I feel as if I am in a rut when it comes to my weight so hopefully with some hard work and determination, I can get out of said rut.
Even though I really have a lot to do today, I think I am going to go take a nap. I am getting yet another migraine. I really love the summertime but for some reason I get migraines like crazy during the summer months. I guess it has a lot to do with the barometric pressure and such. Hopefully I can take some medicine and take a short nap and wake up headache free because I have a killer pork loin I plan on cooking tonight!
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