Jun
07
Today has been a very long day filled with stuff I really don’t even feel like talking about. I’m just exhausted. Nothing totally horrible happened or anything today but I just don’t have the energy to write up a long post about my day.
I got word from Grayson’s mom that she had to take him to the Emergency Room last night. Evidently he had a fever of 104.5 and the doctor said he has an inner ear infection. Good thing I told her about his ears when she picked him up. We also knew he ran a fever Saturday night which I told her about as well. I had a feeling he was getting sicker but I still wish it wasn’t bad enough to take him to the Emergency Room, ya know? I worry about him when he is not here. She said she didn’t get any sleep and was so tired of him being sick which I told her if she wanted us to, we’d take care of him so she could have a break. It is times like these when I wish he was my child because it breaks my heart to know she is tired of having to take care of him. Motherhood is a twenty-four seven job. Coming from someone who might not ever have kids, I don’t think I’d have a problem taking care of a sick child because I know they’d need more more then than ever before. I just don’t understand people I swear.
I’m going to go watch the season premiere of Secret Life of an American Teenager with the hubby and sister. Hopefully after that I can get some sleep. I still am not sleeping good. At least I haven’t had the dream about my grandma again. Ever since I did have the dream I haven’t been able to sleep and I’ve been in this funk. I’m sure I will be okay after a good night’s rest.
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Jun
05
Ever since I was a little girl, I always have known that when I got older I wanted kids. I love and adore them. Having Grayson every weekend has just made that desire even stronger. Some of my favorite moments with Grayson have been when it was just the two of us cuddling before his bedtime. Just earlier today, Grayson was all curled up to me and he laid his head on my chest and just let out this little sigh. It was so precious and melted my heart completely. I now know more than ever that I want to be a mom and I want to have loads of children of my own. I was put on this Earth to be a mother.
After talking to Jonathan, we have decided to take starting a family very seriously, but we have a big obstacle in our way in regards of parenthood. I have PCOS which is Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. PCOS basically means my hormones are messed up and makes periods and getting pregnant difficult. I am also insulin resistant because of this as well. I have been talking to my doctor about children and she knows that I want to be a mother. In fact, one of our very first conversations after being diagnosed resulted in me in tears and from then on she has made it her personal mission to help us be able to conceive. So now that I know we both are on board, it’s time to take action!
The first step is going to be the hardest step of all. In order to even think about being a mommy, I have to lose a lot of weight. My doctor has prescribed a prescription and I am going to be starting it soon. This step is the one that scares me the most because I never realized how messed up my life was in regards to my weight and eating. I really think being overweight is like a disease and you never truly realize how much it affects your life until you go through it. I have also been considering gastric bypass. At first I was completely against surgery but now I don’t know. After seeing Jenn’s journey after surgery, it has really made me want to get more information about it but I am unsure if I could ever afford it. I don’t have insurance and the only option I have right now is possibly Medicaid which I highly doubt they’d cover gastric bypass, ya know? So I think I will just research a little and try the prescription while I am trying to make my mind up. If I can get past this first step I know I will be home free. I guess part of me is just scared I am going to do all the work of losing the weight and then still not be able to have children. Fears really can get the best of you at times.
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